Friday, August 26, 2011

Packers Court: Andrew Quarless

It's Packers Court! The JonBob's feature where a Packers player comes before the honorable Ted Thompson and pleads his case for more playing time, a fatter contract, or even a roster spot! In today's installment, second year tight end Andrew Quarless appears in Judge Ted's court against charges that he's a bust and doesn't deserve a second season in Green Bay.

All rise for the honorable Ted Thompson!

Ted Thompson: Good afternoon folks. I've got an exciting week of fun cuts to make, so let's get down to brass tacks! Will the accused please present his case?

Andrew Quarless: Well, your honor, I feel like I've been getting a bad rap. I'm only just starting my second season, and already people are calling me a bust and saying I should be cut. I'm sorry I didn't put up huge numbers my rookie season and I'm sorry I botched that trick play. Oh yah, and the lone touchdown I had probably shouldn't have counted. But seriously, I was only a rookie. What were ya'll expecting?

TT: Hmm. Enough about the past. What have you done for me lately?

AQ: Well I showed up to camp and couldn't pass my physical 'cause of some problem with my hip, so I missed some practices...

TT: Remind me why I drafted you again?

AQ: Well, at 6'4 and 250, I ran a 40 yard dash in the 4.6 range. That's pretty good, right? 

TT: Go on...

AQ: For my size I'm a damn good athlete and a fairly fluid receiver. I'm definitely the best receiving TE aside from Jermichael, despite all the hype those two rookies have been getting. I feel like people have been too quick to forget about all my potential. I mean, Jermichael didn't breakout until his second season. In fact, he was a lot worse than me as a rookie!

TT: Those are some pretty solid points you raise there. I actually didn't draft you with the expectation that you'd play a lot last year. But when Finley went down, you were kind of thrown into the middle of things.

AQ: Exactly.

TT: Still, there's a lot of talent at tight end this year, and some tough decisions are going to have to be made. What separates you from the rest?

AQ: As I said before, after Jermichael, I'm your boy. No one else on the roster gives you this combination of size and speed. DJ Williams is decent, but he's a little on the small side. Not gonna give the type of match-up problems I bring to the table. And Crabtree and Taylor? Man, you just have to look at them to know they're only good at blocking and special teams. If Jermichael gets injured again, or worse, flys the coop after this season, I'm the best candidate to replace him. 

TT: Alright, I think I've heard all I need to. But before we wrap this up, I just gotta ask you...what is with those ridiculous tattoos on your arm?
AQ: Uhhhhh...

TT: That's what I thought. On the count of being a bust I find the defendant innocent, and the accusing parties premature in their conclusions. On the count of not meriting a spot on the 53 man roster, I similarly find the accusing parties to be out of line. And on the count of having one of the worst tattoos in the NFL, and that's saying something, I find the defendant guilty.

AQ: Well I did add an "S" to the "gift", so my tats not as outrageously conceited anymore, and I did give a pretty good run down on the rest of them that actually kind of showed me to be a humble, God-fearing family man, but thanks for giving me another chance, Judge Ted!

TT: Don't thank me yet, sonny. We might be doing this same song and dance next preseason, and I might not be so lenient then. You best start proving you're worth your roster spot, and fast. Court adjourned.


  1. Good solid ruling, although I'd like to like to say that I think Crabtree's ability as a receiver are underrated.

  2. Just thought I mention that I didn't appreciate this comment: "And Crabtree and Taylor? Man, you just have to look at them to know they're only good at blocking and special teams." Maybe true though...

  3. Well two things:
    1) Taylor showed that he's a surehanded receiver in Indy, and indeed throughout camp. He just might not be that much of a dynamic threat
    2) From the limited action I saw, Quarless played well in Indy. There's no way he'd get cut in favor of DJ Williams at this point.

  4. Different style of article then you normally do. Not sure if I really liked it, but its nice to mix things up every now and then