Thursday, July 22, 2010

Gilbert Brown defies gravity

Earlier today, I was looking for ways to beat the off-season boredom, so naturally that meant I was over on Gilbert Brown's Wikipedia page.

I learned some pretty neat stuff about the Grave Digger that I hadn't been aware of before. For instance, his desire to get away from his hometown of Detroit, where one of his classmates had been killed in gang-related violence, prompted him to turn down Bo Schembechler and the Wolverines and instead play football for the Kansas Jayhawks. I also found out that, despite being a third-round draft selection, he was cut by the Vikings before his rookie season began due to weight issues. Oh, and apparently he always beat his brothers home from school (thank you, Wikipedia).

Yet I also stumbled upon something that just didn't seem to mesh with the Gilbert Brown that I had known and loved. Something that my Gilbert wouldn't, just couldn't do. Something that left me questioning what I knew about the theory of gravity.

 Here's the deed in question, straight from Wikipedia.

Yeah....I'm sorry, but I just can't see that happening. I mean, I know Warren Sapp did ballet and all, but I just can't see someone as massive as Gilbert Brown competing at the Michigan state tournament in high jump. The primary concern would be that if he landed on the bar, he'd probably snap it in two. But wait, there's more!
Okay, now I'm really starting to have my doubts. Seriously, this is just ridiculous. Go look at the picture of Gilbert at the beginning of this article and tell me if that man could have ever won any sort of competition that involved jumping. I mean, the laws of physics just don't allow for such nonesense. What is going on here?

Perhaps I accidentally had stumbled upon the wrong Gilbert Brown? Maybe I'd ended up on the Wiki page of a Gilbert Brown who's actually renowned for his jumping abilities?

Nope. This was definitely the page for the Gilbert Brown who had played at a weight of 340 and used to get a Double Whopper with extra cheese before every home game.

Well, I'm not sure what to believe. On the one hand, this feat simply seems impossible. On the other hand, it's on Wikipedia, so it has to be true. Never mind the fact that this tidbit was randomly inserted into the middle of the "College career" section, characteristic of something that's been done in jest.

I'll let you come to your own conclusions, but as for me, I believe.


  1. False for so many reasons. 1. no citation. 2. randomly inserted in an incongruous section. 3. the "Early Years" section already states the extent of his track involvement: shot put. 4. the bit claims he went to State his junior year (ONLY his junior year) and won "6 gold medals". Maybe it's because you didn't run track in high school, but there's only one high jump event. It's called the high jump. You can only win it once per year. 5. the only other edit for this 'user' is this one.

    I think the totality of evidence suggests that this is fraudulent, but this guy probably knows best.

  2. Just practicing for my future career. Was pretty fun actually.

  3. Bad bad Gilbert Brown, baddest man in the whole down town. I miss the grave digger.